Yes, like I said I have a new place now, some 10mins walk away from the last place, and not as crappy anymore, I kind of like it actually. The neighborhood is quiet like before, there is a McD nearby like before, there is a fruit stall like before, and there is a supermarket nearby like before, there is a subway station nearby like before, and now I am steps away from 2 big malls, and again walking distance to Sanlitun. The location can not be better, and my rent has increased 20%, well.

The only thing now is internet, as long as I am able to get it my life would be perfect.

ps. It is now another 3 weeks in until I get to post this, and I still do not have internet because the building is undergone and wire renovations to upgrade its electric and phone lines service. So I think I will be officially 6 months off from a home internet and only relying on rendezvous cafe internet to survive, and I did, so far, for 6 weeks now…

I finally picked up the guts to ride the bike to work as working takes more than 23 mins and quite tiring sometimes especially after my work out or late in the night. So starting form April, I did it and park my bike infront of a main street off a office building, it seems quite and relatively safe. And usually when I was going home I would always imagine if I could not find the bike while walking towards the parking lot. You may not know, but Beijing (or the rest of China) is famous for stolen bike, no matter now many locks you put on, it was particularly obvious in university campus, don’t know if it was an inside job, or those thieves found there particularly rich resource of abundance.

My fear did not realize too far from, it was within the 10 times I started to park my bike, and it happened last night when I going home around 10pm, and only found an empty parking lot. I was not panic but feel sad towards my misfortune, and hate the person who did it. And I do not know how to face Sally who gave me the bike, the expensive bike, the RMB4000 expensive bike…. I am such a dissapointment…. sigh….

And I am still dating Choi, it has been 4 weeks now, it was like the entire February was dedicated to him, and I left no time separated over the past 4 weekends with him, it was surreal and also dramatic (we all know a little bottom always a little dramatic, let alone more than a little, snigger)

Set apart the relationship little stories, I am a little bit more worried about my apartment thingy, I have been declining a few good ones, with the expectations that I could have found a better one, but in actually it is as hard as ever to get one, I now have 1 week time, and I will need to really look into the problem and try to solve it within the week.

And I am catching a cold this few days back, reluctant but had to admit nonetheless, and it is just bitching~

And the Oscar went to Meryl Street, to which I had no intention to watch the Iron Lady, at all. But the jokes is really on Angelina Jolie, so hilarious~ haha

When things are unpleasant and conflicted of interest, all I know is to run away.

I am still looking for an apartment, searching for the right one to live in is so hard. Of course the right ones are plenty, but I am not capable for them, and for those that I am capable of, I always see some flaws that I do not like, it is extremely frustrating to know my expectation is being so high while I am not capable of reaching it for now. How much time and how many level do I have to climb up the corporate ladder to enjoy my expectations? And when I did, would I be happier?

OMG, this is just a tough question. I am better off to sleep.

So after the unfortunate event of BoBoZ, my single life has not leaked a single piece of information of being lonely, sure I was mourning of a week or so, then again, having a distant relationship has since not being my skill of strength after the you-know-what-fu*king-first-love. Hence I was quickly healed from the disappointment and actually got approached by a new being, and for this, let’s call him Choi.

I knew Choi for almost the longest time (after sensitively dug out the chatting history and later being informed that so was he!), we first chatted in last May, and I wasn’t paying too much attention since he declined to show me his picture, so our meeting has always been brief (but quite witty and quirky) over the internet and then he eventually (or me) stop contact for almost 6 months.

Then some fancy sissy showed up my pic over Weibo and so happened that Choi was his followers and found me, and we started to chat again, I didn’t knew it was him until he admitted and I checked over the chatting history. And it was the time during my mourning over BoBoZ so I decided to give myself a break, and we went to the zoo the next day, turned out to be one of my fruitful time in a very long time and I really appreciate that meeting, and with him of course, being cute and everything.

And then the seed that being kept in the soil for 10 mouths sprung out a sprout, a late bloomer (snigger) but I welcome it in full embrace, as a commitment-freak as I am, I do not know how much time would I be freaked out over this, but I do wish someone like him could change my number, change the perception of me, may the tiny fragile thing grow into a bigger plant, may it be a thin scented lily, or a bloody red rose, I wish he and I would enjoy the ride.

But as you may as well aware of now that, I did not the elegant toss (not to mention un-environmental friendly), and the memory is still well kept inside my 1.3kg brain, somewhere inside, it was screaming at me to remind the notorious but awfully fascinating experience. I have to admit, I cannot deny, that I was having a hell of a fun drunken night, and like those silly and bold things people do when they are drunk, I saw it and I experience it, first hand. (remind to keep it at annual basis if not completely dismissed, as it is fatally against my lifetime philosophy)

By now, you would have been excited, or awaiting the story that happened in Xiamen, unfortunately to you, I am not going to write it out, because by having the preface story is enough for me shuddering through my veins over this series of drunken events, so it will, at least, stays with the people who had been in Xiamen. (miao)

You already know my crappy apartment that cost RMB3000 per month is a hoax for anything but Beijing, and today the agent called me to increase another RMB400 if I wanted to continue the contract. Of course I knew his mumbling over the rent would signify that he was trying to give some buffer for bargaining. But what he didn’t know is I have no point to bargain with him because I have already grown sick with agents in Beijing.

the CPI of china was 4.5% in 2011, I take it that Tier 1 city like Beijing would be double of this as 9% (whether it is under or overstate, let’s keep it that way for now). But RMB400 is 13%, and the 2011 income on rental property has up 24%, which only means they purposely make it higher to pressure the demand. I will spit in their graves if I ever came across one of them!

Dilemma for me now, to rent or not to rent, is it a question? or more like succumbing to surrender in time. (Sigh)

Maybe I am growing older and my friends have become older as well that they are much less snappy in the mouth, or was it that the company and the environment has brain washed me that a character comment attack is considered a legally harmful crime, or perhaps, just that my world has been harmonious and filled with love, an uncanny comment(s) from a new friend would turn into a major damage in my ego and it was righteously hurtful to tell you that I really liked this new friend.

I knew in the first place that my self-esteem is very low, especially on the buttons of physical appearance, I get very careful to try avoiding people’s harsh words (even as a joke) on me and whenever I got criticized it normally turned really ugly and that person instantly could feel my humiliation. I cannot control that (because it was other’s mouth, and hey, my feelings are real) , it was like the many times I was being rejected for “not hot enough“, but then again, those depressions can be healed in time, so right now I am just very much in another episode of pettiness.

I wish I could be more open to that, and I thought I did, but apparently not to the compromised standard of normal human being yet, it is quite frustrating, that I was not able to act normal and pretend the world still spins the same way it did a minute ago. Or was it more frustrating to act normal to assure that I forgave that hurtful comment? either way, I have no surviving attitude to live with a community, I am just really better be alone and imagining my fairy tale world, all is pleasant, all is well, what a wonderful world~

So the 7 day that I wish to come out from my grey is rather successful after enabling myself indulging in some company during the weekend. I actually was quite happy on Sunday, all out to the zoo, watching families feeding herbivore with all kind of crap that might eventually kill them. (I saw one fed a Zebra a waffle bar….A fu*king choco waffle!) And right 10 mins ago when washing my face, I got inspired by a time lapse project to which I might able to share in another, perhaps, 90 days time, we will see.

But what I can promise to Englye now is my truth to him about being single, at least for a little more while, that I should just really focus and thinking sex is not so important after all to me, let alone letting someone else down (major pun intended).

So Happy Valentine’s Day to me, and just me, and again this year, yay~ (sigh)

This is what I received from watching A Single Man, a sad story of solitude after loving the one you love over a 16 year relationship and a sudden crow news stumbled your world towards the end of your life. Colin Firth had a great performance with his dorky look but exceptionally Tom Ford like. I would want it to be a clean ending but it got into a rather dramatic one, still, it seems to me, that I, as a person, could not have the same self-control like Colin over the so many different illustrated desires in a single day.

If I were to have the same house, same couch, same fireplace with same book, and same music, would it matter to anyone to have a dog and a somebody lying on the other side?

Is being lost of someone making you sadder or angrier than somebody left you? The old phrase saying the latter, because we do not know what happened after you died, at least we know when two person are still alive, both of them would suffer emotionally for a period of time, giving both cared about each other before.

So the question is, time, how long does it take to heal. 1 mathematical formula is 7 years, but I don’t have so many of this, I wish 7 days would suffice the feeling to be subsided, then again, just like today, I thought about Frederick when listening to 1234567, that is after 3 or 4 years, the feeling was still there, sure it got subsided, but it had never really left.

So, thank you for smoking, your puff has clogged my heart and it will never be the same again.