Harsh Words
“Every time I feel afraid, I hold tighter to my faith.”
Maybe I am growing older and my friends have become older as well that they are much less snappy in the mouth, or was it that the company and the environment has brain washed me that a character comment attack is considered a legally harmful crime, or perhaps, just that my world has been harmonious and filled with love, an uncanny comment(s) from a new friend would turn into a major damage in my ego and it was righteously hurtful to tell you that I really liked this new friend.
I knew in the first place that my self-esteem is very low, especially on the buttons of physical appearance, I get very careful to try avoiding people’s harsh words (even as a joke) on me and whenever I got criticized it normally turned really ugly and that person instantly could feel my humiliation. I cannot control that (because it was other’s mouth, and hey, my feelings are real) , it was like the many times I was being rejected for “not hot enough“, but then again, those depressions can be healed in time, so right now I am just very much in another episode of pettiness.
I wish I could be more open to that, and I thought I did, but apparently not to the compromised standard of normal human being yet, it is quite frustrating, that I was not able to act normal and pretend the world still spins the same way it did a minute ago. Or was it more frustrating to act normal to assure that I forgave that hurtful comment? either way, I have no surviving attitude to live with a community, I am just really better be alone and imagining my fairy tale world, all is pleasant, all is well, what a wonderful world~
