No Mood To Work
I can’t work properly today, coz my head is filling up with him in mind.
I can’t help it, and I don’t know why, it mustn’t been love, because I don’t feel that way (yet).
Somehow I am attracted because I am curious to know more about him.
He is real quiet from all the 3 rendezvous, they were a little boring, but I guess the more eager I want to learn about him, the more secluded he becomes, in the end, I brew inside a frustration that I couldn’t get it out because of politeness.
Jim asked me to take more initiative, I thought I did more than enough.
Still, there is something he didn’t want to disclose or I couldn’t get it.
I think I prefer the person he is in his sms, or even the person in his blog, such a lively person, such sweet, such humorous.
You can’t deny my disappointment.
Not that I am desperate in looking for love, (in much consideration, I have decided that desperate shouldn’t describe me thesedays, trust me) but I feel bad for not able to be as sunshine as the face I show in office to everyone (not entirely genuine, but it works very well).
Last night Keeyit talked to me about healing from lovesick, she thought I was still in the phase, but I don’t think I am.
Sometimes human is just contradicted, or in my case, just me.
Not something I could maintain the balance, but my moderation always gone on edge and reverse and causing all these contradictions.
I shouldn’t think more about this, it only leads me to a dead end, but only if I could control it.
BB Alvin told me he dreamt of me telling him that I loved someone else, he cried in his dream.
I feel like crying now too. (only if my tears is that easily shed)